威廉 · 李先生高端英语写作团队: 群福利: @ 各位同学，本群每天免费提供真题作文修改，严格按照 CT 雅思托福，1, 复习题的修改 (确定是否运行题)，语法修改 2 个; 3 、 提炼思维去掉空话; 4 、批判性思维增强逻辑和连贯性; 5 、用地道搭配解决 Chinglish; 福利规则: 1 、周一至周五下午3点: 发送第二天的作文题目 (雅思或托福) 2 、请各位老师在第二天上午 10:00 前将作文发至小组，以便老师分析修改; 3 、第二天下午4点至 5 点，修改后的老师将修改后的段落发到群里，供大家学习; _ (0301 话题分享) Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? _ 学生版: 第一段 5 分 Some people argue that the advertising( 不要指定它。不移动不添加 the) leads to a phenomenon( 搭配不当，造成广告现象？导致后面具体不好的事情，phenomenon 的意思不够 clarity) ) that 无法特别指定 customers buy the commodity (。不要将 the, 添加到: commodities)which are not the real need of society( 不要重复写主题，更改为: out of practical value) . From my perspective, over advertisement (advertising) 更改为: (Excessive advertising campaign) might be detrimental to our life and appropriate advertising is imperative to some degree.
题目要求讨论 “商品卖得好不好，要看广告做得好不好，还是要看消费者的真实需求？”用三点定位的方法，要从 “A: 广告做得好” 和 “B 真正需要” 开始 这两个方面对讨论结果有较大的作用: C: 商品销售良好。从第一段可以预见到学生可能会跑题，下面的题目段落的内容证明是跑题。 基于学生版本的修改版本是 7 分: Some people argue that customers buy too much commodities out of practical value and this is driven by continuous advertising campaign. From my perspective, however, believe that commodities sold and consumed regularly are truthfully needed, although advertising apparently makes a great deal of sense.
8 子版本: It is true that we are increasingly surrounded by advertising by companies that want to sell us their products. To some extent I agree that advertising has an impact on sales, but I would also argue that we do need most of the goods that we buy.
(第二段) 学生版 5.5 分: To begin with, advertising always triggers impulsive and wasteful consumption.[ 中心句没有回答: 广告是如何刺激消费的】 For instance,[ 它背后的内容太大，达不到 for instance 度，既然是个例子，你就需要写具体的东西] _ in the term of _ (in terms of, 这里可以说是基于消费心理，based on/according to) consumption psychology, some retail stores will provide _ special campaign _ (promotions 商业推广，直接使用 promotions) to _ the customer _ (不要在不移动的情况下引用它，将其修改为: would-be customers) whose amount of consumption _ meets certain requirements _ (客户的消费满足一定的需求吗？如何理解？)。Some people tend to purchase _ the cheaper clothes _ (cheaper clothes, 不需要添加比较级别 the)and shoes on discount which they might not wear next season. In addition, _ myriads of sales information( 别说数不清，不可数名词: extensive information of sellers via _ on cellphone, leaflets and handouts disturb our life when people ( we, 正面为 our) want to focus on _ their _ (our) work or study. _ Therefore, over advertisement (adverting) might exert negative effects on our society. _ (本文不要求你写对社会的负面影响) _ 8 子版本: Advertisements can certainly tempt people to buy products that they might not otherwise want. A good example could be the mobile phone. Every year people can be seen queuing to buy the latest models, even when they already have a perfectly good phone that does not need replacing. Perhaps it is the influence of marketing that leads us to make these kinds of decisions; we want to stay up to date with the latest fashions or own the newest high-status device. The high sales of the iPhone seem to support this idea.
(第三段) 学生版 5.5 分: Nevertheless, I deem that the appropriate devised advertising is conducive for us to choose the commodity _ efficiently and quickly( _ 语义重复 efficiently) _ As an illustration, the personalized recommendations help us to find the products we want based on _ our online browsing history( 这场比赛非常真实，是一个额外的项目) _，which save (saves) the time we ( 添加一个副词 blindly,，以更准确地表达意思) search and select (在商品的海洋里？表达 Chinglish). Another shopping experience on double eleven carnival, (a famous community chain-store 添加 double-eleven 存储) underpins my viewpoints. People can add some indispensable goods on their shopping lists in advance and collect virtual shopping voucher online by inviting friends and classmates to join in the activities together. The _ progress( 你想表达的是 process) _ you share the information to (with) others is a sort of advertisement (可以写得更短，Sharing information with others helps make promotion ) and you ( _ 不要写第二个人 you _) can _ grab a bargain( _ 将为真实匹配添加点) _ At a deeper level, positive advertisements( advertising) play a vital role on _ the whole economic circle chain _ (调整为: whole circle of economic chain). 观点太过跳跃，怎么能一下子写到广告业？ 带来更多的就业机会; 如果你想写另一个小组，你需要使用连接方式; The advertisement industry can produce a considerable source of employment for the job seekers. 本段的优点和缺点是写广告。 这一段是最严重的问题，与题目的要求无关。正宗的比赛数量不多，会加分，但是整体的观点跳跃，逻辑很差;
8 子版本: On the other hand, I believe that most people do not buy products because of the advertising alone. There are other good reasons why we make these choices, and there must be some kind of need before a person makes a purchase. New versions of products almost always have improved features that buyers may want. A new car, for example, may have greatly improved safety features, or it may be more economical to run, or it may pollute less. A new phone may allow the user to communicate more quickly or effectively, thus enhancing their quality of life.
学生版: In conclusion, under no circumstances, should we overlook the comprehensive effects _ that advertising exert on the society 。(wor嗦，需要更改为: exerted by continuous advertising campaign) . Given the reality of the modern economy, (观点太过跳跃，是空的，提炼思路是不够的。)we cannot _ avoid advertisements _ ( 修改为 avoid being swayed by advertisements _) but we should be objective and sensible on (about)it. ) 8 子版本: 建议在总结和写作中使用批判性思维的结尾，这样可以快速提高雅思写作成绩。 In conclusion, while advertising obviously influences our buying behavior, I do not agree that people make decisions that go against their real needs.
5 分 (5.125 AVE)
语法: 5.5如果你想添加 the, 一个复数是未知的，将不会使用分词短语 复习问题: 4 、本文大部分是题外话;' 逻辑: 5 、逻辑和观点跳转，句子和句子之间的衔接能力差; 单词: 6 、四个项目中整体单词是最好的。有几个亮点，比如 _ grab a bargain,online browsing history